(19) Zombie Alert

Hmmm, this ain't your dad's St Pauli Girl is it? So, is this attractive in a creepy way or creepy in an attractive way? Now, normally we encourage the gals in our life when it comes to getting in touch with their Gothic side. Can they handle it? You better believe it!

It's just that this image from Roncesvalles looks like someone's idea of playing with sex and death was to combine Star Trek with Gothic with Yakuza tatoo with Hip Hop. The result cancels out the upside of all four motifs and leaves us with a scary cadaver hoisting a pint. Pass me that twelve-gauge man, quick!

Canadians, the youth in particular, need another premium beer marketing campaign like another six months of winter. Some asswipes somewhere probably billed Sapporo into the six digits to come up with the silver surfer here: Miss Lead Poisoning 2008. The reckoning might have been that if she’s silver then college louts of every parentage, European, East Asian, South Asian, Persian, whatever, will be seduced and offer up their student loan money? Whatever happened to bikinis-and-beaches in beer advertising?

Those metallic skin tones evoke Sapporo’s traditional stainless steel can perhaps? Now, to make stainless steel you need major extra inputs of nickel, water and heat. That’s an extra helping of the Earth’s resources just to put a few ounces of “prestige” in our stomaches. Listen, stick with draft or refillable bottles of locally made product, okay?

Guess I’m feeling a little sensitive. It’s hard when an advertising image reminds you of an ex-girlfriend. Broke up with her right before my third hitch in the Air Force. It was probably better in the long run. You couldn’t manage a kitchen worth crap cookie but I'll always love you best. Bombs gone, baby!

editor's note: I guess when the dead walk again they’ll say "Make mine a Sapporo."